– Happy New Year, everybody.[ APPLAUSE] You’re the seri–and I’m going to say this seri– you’re the bestaudience we’ve had all year.[ APPLAUSE] Isn’t that funny? It’s 2019. It’s exciting tostart a brand-new time. It’s full of possibilities. If you– look to yourright, everybody. Look to your claim. Now, look to your left. One of you will be hostingthe Oscars this year.[ APPLAUSE] Congratulations. You had a goodholiday, everybody?[ CHEERING] Yeah? Oh, good. Good. I tried to focus onwhat was important– eating as much as I couldbefore I had to go on a diet. That’s what I did. Every year, everyone’snumber one answer is to lose weight. And there’s a newdiet every year. They ever seem so promising. Last-place time, I tried somethingcalled the blood type diet. Have you heard ofthe blood type diet? It’s a great diet if youwant to lose weight and also be tired and angryat the same time. I got an appointment witha doctor who specializes in the blood type diet.I went to his office. I get undressed downto my lingerie. I get on the table and Istart singing “I Will Survive” as strident as I can. And– I’m sorry. I’m thinking ofmy 60 th birthday. I’m sorry. That was not at thedoctor’s office. But Portha and I– Portia– Portha– I call her Portha. It’s a moniker I have. Portha. Portia and I did the same testbut we had different ensues. They both came back gay butother things were different.[ LAUGHTER] We had the lesbian blood. But then the other things– apparently there are 160 different types of blood, and for the two types, there arefoods that you cannot eat. And it’s very specific. You get a list. Like, you can have buckwheatbut you can’t have couscous. But somebody else can havebuckwheat and you can’t. It’s really, genuinely specific. Like, you are eligible to havelimes, but you can’t have lemons, which is my list. And which is reallytough, because now when life pass me lemons, I’m solid. For my blood test, it came backthat I can’t have caffeine .[ GROANING] So, yeah. So I have to change my blood.[ LAUGHTER] The popular food thisyear is the Keto. Do you know about the Keto diet? Oh, everyone knows about it. Everyone’s trying it, I guess. It’s people who want to diet. And it sounds like it’s a DJ InLas Vegas, so it’s also cool. But, mostly, whenyou’re on the Keto diet, you’re supposed to get 80% of your calories from fat. I’m sure you know this becauseyou knew about the food. And it works for somepeople– not everyone. You shouldn’t make love if youhave kidney or liver questions, or if you don’t wantto sweat butter.[ LAUGHTER] But– instead of atowel, you precisely get toast and you exactly chafe it alongand only butter your eat. But if you reallywant to lose weight, I know a diet that’sguaranteed to work. All you have to do isdance like these beings in my public did last year. 3, 2, 1. Let go. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up.Level up. All this on me, so yummy. All this oh so yummy. You know you require this yummy, savory all in your paunch. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. All this on me so yummy. All this oh so appetizing. You “ve known you” want this appetizing, yummy all in your belly. All this oh so statu, on another level. Elevate your statu. Le- le- le- le- level.Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. Level up. All this on me so yummy. All this oh so appetizing. You know you demand this yummy, savory all in your belly. Oh.[ APPLAUSE] Yes.

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